I refuse to take sides

Da ich heute die Wiener Game City besucht habe und es deshalb gut dazu passt : Über diesen Journal-Entry bin ich vor einiger Zeit gestoßen und war froh darüber, zur Abwechslung eine andere Meinung zu Retro-Games zu hören.

I don’t remember if I ranted about this or not, but here it is:

I’m sick of retro gamers. I’m sick of people sticking Nintendo into every little fucking shit crevice and thinking they’re awesome. Angry Video Game Nerd can go bone Nostalgia Critic in the ass and make money from that, not from clueless 13-year olds trying to touch the 1980s glory.

Wake up and smell the bullshit. Videogames from the 1980s and even the early 1990s are SHIT. They’re horrible. They’ve no interesting captivating plots, no complex narrative, the graphics are beyond awful. If you like looking at a bunch of seizuring pixels vaguely shaped as an Italian plumber and want to say it’s a gorgeous can captivating game, if you can think of mindless arcade fighters as masterpieces and all, you’re a lonesome no-life nerd that needs an injection of something called REALITY.

Of course, you’d say – “but hey, TD, those games were like so cool and such setting stones in the whole genre of gaming!”. Fucking true. But cartwheels were the setting stones of personal transportation, and the best thing in 2000 B.C. Doesn’t mean that a cartwheel can objectively compete with a Lambo or Ferrari. Same shit with oldass games. They were primitive and dumb and visually just horrid thanks to the early developement of the medium. You have to accept it. You have to accept it just like the fact that an ugly dirty cartwheel was like that because people just didn’t know better.

How can one be elitistic based on dog-crap? I’m sorry, but old Sonic games and the rest of the kiddie shit, like packman, isn’t something to be highbrow about. It’s too sucky to be pop-culture icons either… though if you look at pop-culture, you can see that the suckier the better is the motto, but anyways.

Look. You’re twenty-something. You play finger-jerking old arcade games and spit saliva from having orgasms over Ninja Turtles. You build a huge dick in Minecraft because you’re little lonely sad person that can only find peace and solace in infantile stuff like Zelda or Mario. Dear god, do you stop to think how sad that is? That you don’t even want to try and work to spend some hard-earned money on a powerful gaming rig and marvel at the glory that are modern games like Crysis and Bioshock and all that cinematographic, actually entertaining and less OCD-ish titles?

Speakind of infantilism. I saw a 30-year old fucker in the subway playing Pokemon on his DS. Balding facial hair, Down’s Syndrome look in the eyes, a prime example of a retro-gamer douche. Probably can recite all the place where one can get power ups in Donkey Kong levels. Prime target for extermination.

Seriously, these fuckers make gamers look bad, don’t they realize? It’s these fucked up, socially maladapted NEETs that create the stereotype that gamers are irresponsible unemployed basement dwellers that jerk on some video game icon character and wallow around in their action figure collection.

Really, stfu. Old games arent trendy or important, they’re a past epoch. Grow the fuck up and stop catching Pokemon. Start catching tits.

PS. Minecraft is for autistic people.